Let’s get one thing straight: sex should be pleasurable and pain-free (unless you like a little spicy pain). And that’s a fact. 

However, throughout the course of our lives, many sexual challenges and conditions can arise that prevent us from leading our best sexual lives. Whether it be a decreased libido, self-confidence issues, painful sex, or difficulties reaching climax, if you’re dealing with a  sexual issue, you aren’t alone. 

 A recent study conducted by Monash University suggests that 50% of Australian women and people assigned female at birth (AFAB) between the ages of 18-39 have experienced sexually-related personal distress, with a further 1 in 5 displaying sexual dysfunction (aka problems with sexual desire, arousal, orgasm, or sexual pain). 

However, if you’re finding that the spark is missing from sex and are struggling in any way, know that you don’t have to accept it as a fact of life. 

Why? Allow us to introduce you to the field of sexology. 

Read on to find out exactly what sexology is and learn about how it can fast-track your journey to better sex, relationships, and intimacy. 

What is Sexology? 

Okay, so sexology is a little deeper than explaining the birds and the bees (or the bees and the bees…or the birds and the birds). 

Sexology is best described as a discipline of medicine that studies a person’s physical and psychological problems to gain a thorough understanding of how they impact human sexuality and sexual health.

What Does a Sexologist Do? 

In short, sexologists are people who have studied the science (and art) of sex; learning the anatomy, physiology, psychology, and cultural influences around sex, arousal, desire, and pleasure, and wow, have they studied hard.  

Even though sexologists do a world of good, the title ‘sexologist’ can still seem taboo and scandalous to some…and we have the stigma surrounding sex to thank for that. 

Not only is the stigma surrounding an individual seeking support for their sexual needs incredibly backwards, but it also shames those who are seeking help and guidance and can discourage them from doing so – and that’s not okay with us. 

What Is a Somatic Sexologist? 

According to Hazel’s somatic sexologist, Alice Child, somatics is any practice that develops and strengthens the mind-body connection. Somatic practices teach you how to mindfully scan and listen to your body. 

Somatic practices can include: 

• Mindfulness 
• Body scans
• Breathwork 
• Movement practices 
• Kegel exercises 

Somatic sexology takes these practices and adapts them in a way that enables people to learn how to have better (and more pain-free!) sex. Rather than just talking about sex, Somatic Sexologist’s help people to get out of their heads and into their bodies. 

Why Do We Need More Sex Education? 

The sex education we receive in life is not good enough. Year 9 PE teacher, we’re looking at you. 

Most adults know next to nothing about basic sex-ed, including pleasure anatomy, sexual communication, expressing consent, understanding arousal, orgasm and desire, navigating libido changes, and how to listen to their own bodies. This impacts our relationships and mental health, and people don’t know where to go for help. 

In addition, we still live in a conservative society where sexual shame is pervasive, and where many of us are still too embarrassed, too fearful, or too ashamed to talk about sex. 

Sexual changes or challenges are inevitable in life. In order to have great sex (that lasts you a lifetime), we need to learn skills like how to listen to our bodies, know what we like, how to talk about sex comfortably, and how to confidently give and receive pleasure. 

The good news? That’s where seeing a sexologist comes in. 

What Happens During a Sexologist Appointment?

It’s just like listing a healthcare professional — but for sex problems. Nothing scary or weird here, we promise.

Sexologists work with their patients to provide an assessment of their sexual goals, desires and concerns, and provide counselling and practical and informational resources to help bring the spark back into the bedroom (or any other room you fancy).

Through this, your sexologist will work with you to find and repair negative beliefs about yourself, unpack core problems like arousal and repressions of love, and help you explore any other sexual goals or desires you may have – all in a judgement free and safe space without negative stigma, of course. 

Depending on your sexologist’s exact qualifications, their approach may vary slightly. Sessions may include mindfulness, coaching, sex education, and counselling techniques. They may also give you practical exercises, tools, vocabulary and homework to help you achieve your goals…whatever that means for you. 

Is Sexology Just About Sex?

It might have sex in the name, but sexology isn’t just about teaching you how to have better sex. After all, you can’t improve your sex life without first understanding what’s causing difficulties to arise in the first place. 

In a space free from any external judgement or stigma, your sexologist will help you to establish and address any psychological determinants that may be impacting your sex life – such as sexual anxiety and trauma. 

When it comes to helping you overcome your sexual challenges, sexologists will utilise a range of different modalities and approaches to create a treatment plan that addresses your unique concerns. Your care plan may include some of the following methods: 

• Science-backed sex education
• Breathwork 
• Kegel exercises 
• Embodiment and mindfulness practices to help you listen to your body and get out of your head 
• Recommendations for toys, dilators or other products (and how to use them) 
• New ideas for intimacy and pleasure
• Homework to try – either alone or with a partner 
• Sex counselling (aka talking about your sexual concerns and desires)
• Psychotherapy (aka talk therapy)  
• Mindfulness practices to reduce anxiety 
• Self-pleasure mindful masturbation 
• Communication with sexual partners

What Conditions Does Sexology Treat? 

While helping you to have better sex is definitely a major selling point, a sexologist’s specialities extend further than bedroom performance. 

Some of the conditions sexology can help treat include: 

Vaginismus 

Identified as one of the most common psychosexual conditions among women and folks assigned female at birth, vaginismus is caused by the contraction of the vaginal muscles and can result in painful sex. 

Sexology, and more specifically, cognitive behavioural therapy, relaxation techniques and dilation insertion have been shown to significantly reduce vaginismus pain, especially when used as part of a comprehensive care plan including pharmacological treatments. 

Painful Sex 

While painful sex in some individuals can often be a result of a condition such as endometriosis or adenomyosis, for other sexually active adults, it is an involuntary response that can be directly related to our mental health. 

Studies have shown that painful sex is commonly caused by negative life events, confusion concerning sex and gender, and traumatic experiences. 

While 7.5% of women and people assigned female at birth experience painful sex (aka dyspareunia), they are often unsure of who to turn to and apprehensive of what treatment could involve. If you’ve already paid a visit to your trusted medical professional and have found that you are yet to experience relief from painful sex, you might like to consider engaging the help of a sexologist, like one of Hazel’s Women’s Health experts. 

Vulvodynia 

Vulvodynia has been documented as one of the most common causes of pain during sexual intercourse in premenopausal women and directly impacts an individual's sexuality, intimacy and psychological well-being. 

While traditional medicine can often help to resolve vulvodynia, for those wanting to explore more natural therapies, research suggests that the effects of vulvodynia can be significantly reduced after engaging the help of a sexologist and through the introduction of techniques such as touch therapy. 

Who Could Benefit From Seeing a Sexologist? 

In our opinion…everyone. 

Remember that thing about not judging a book by its cover? Well, in the spirit of removing shame, bias, and judgement from the conversation, allow us to gently remind you that you don’t have to look a certain way or have lived through a certain experience to be an ideal sexology patient. 

Even if you don’t have particular concerns, such as painful sex, when it comes to sex and pleasure, there’s always more to discover. And the more curious and open-minded you are, the more opportunities for pleasure, intimacy and connection you will find. 

With 1 in 3 sexually active adults experiencing sexual challenges, individuals of a range of different genders, ages, religions, and sexualities may choose to engage the help of a sexologist. 

There are a million and one reasons an individual may choose to see a sexologist, with each of them being as valid as the last. A few of the most common experiences that encourage people to reach out to a sexologist include:

• Sexual anxiety 
• Vaginismus and vulvodynia 
• Painful sex 
• Sexual identity 
• Body confidence 
• Decreased or absent libido 
• Sexual and fantasy exploration 
• Difficulties achieving orgasm
• Deepening connections with themselves and their partners 
• Sexual trauma

You don’t have to be struggling with sex to seek support from a sexologist either. Individuals who are looking to better understand their sexuality and gender identity, explore relationships and sexual interests, and learn more about finding pleasure can also benefit from speaking to a sexologist. 

There are many more additional reasons that an individual may decide to seek help from a sexologist, and we want you to know that any reason is valid here. Regardless of what challenges you may be facing, a passionate, caring sexologist, like one of our Hazel specialists, can help to further empower you to learn more about your body, reclaim your sexuality and prioritise your sexual happiness. 

Sexology at Hazel 

In a safe and stigma-free space, our somatic sexologist and sex counsellor, Alice, will work with you to address any and all of your sex-related concerns, desires, and goals, including sexual intimacy, pleasure, sexual anxiety, and painful sex. 

During your consultation, you’ll work together with your specialists to develop a range of effective strategies to help you reconnect with your body, reduce pain in the bedroom (no, not the good kind…if that’s what you’re into), and restore pleasure to your sex life. 

Remember, life is too short to have bad sex. Sex should be pleasurable, fun and connective – never painful. You deserve pleasurable intimacy. Make your sexual health a priority today by booking a consultation with our expert sexologist. 

The Wrap-Up 

If you’re struggling with sex or are ready to start exploring your sexuality but aren’t sure where to start, you’ve come to the right place. The first step to experiencing better sex starts with seeking help, and in case you needed the reminder today, there’s no shame in seeking support for anything – whether that be your mental, physical, emotional, or sexual health. 

From painful sex to decreased libido, difficulties reaching climax and self-confidence issues, no topic is off limits here. 

Sexual wellness (including pleasure) is a human right, as defined by the World Health Organisation. When we have a healthy, happy sex life, it has been proven that our mental health and physical health improves – along with our relationships. Seeing a sexologist gives you access to the happy, healthy pleasure you deserve. 

Ready to take your sexuality and relationships to new heights? A sexologist can help you dig deep and further explore what your feelings mean in a safe, judgement-free space. Book a consultation with a Hazel sexologist and start experiencing better sex for yourself today.